Do I have to enjoy me-time as much as everyone else?

In times like these, we are advised to extend me-time to the max. Attending online yoga classes, trying meditation apps, reading lots of books – activities that are highly recommended these days. Stay inside and just enjoy the time with yourself. Learn new languages with Duolingo or optimize your culinary skills while using Pinterest. Already associated with the pressure to rise like a phoenix from the ashes after the quarantine period is over. What’s supposed to be a chance for me feels more like compulsion.

Questions of existence are piling up in front of me, making me bite my fingernails completely. From now on, university is only available as online courses, many companies are reducing their budgets and saving on staff or switching to temporary work. What will future look like? This question bores into my brain like a wasp looking for a suitable nesting site to form its own tribe. There are days where I sit on the edge of my bed, next to me the laptop opened – any motivation or joy in things for which I normally don’t have enough time has vanished. In the beginning I made up a lot of plans. Despite isolation, I wanted to be a working gear, like everyone else. Accept that our society has to spend a few weeks behind closed doors. Social contact: sure – but only on social media. Several facetime dates were already on my agenda and went more or less well. The connection is bad, you interfere with each other and you look like a slightly too comfortable version of Bridget Jones. The STAY AT HOME stickers on social media platforms do nothing to make me feel better any way.

On the contrary: Questioning the construct of social isolation within this crisis is considered a social taboo and only selfish loners would dare to debate it. So, endure. Me-time, how does it work? I try sports. The euphoria of squats á la Rebecca Louise is just shortly satisfying. It’s passé as soon as the next level of bored binge eating kicks in. The only thing that really keeps me alive are zodiac memes and celeb Big Brother. To deal more than ever with the topic of nutrition is also not a nice thing for most slightly eating-impaired people, which I definitely count myself to. As creative as possible, as healthy as possible and eat as little as possible. How is that supposed to work when there is practically no other daily content and the highlights are replaced by meals. It feels wrong to nag, but I’m still sure that there are people who feel the same and who identify with this perfect quarantine routine as much as with Covid-19 itself. Maybe my sullen feelings are also due the Aries season, but still everyone should know that it’s perfectly okay to feel bad and just do nothing.

This time is difficult enough for everyone and even now there is huge social pressure to do everything right. Stay healthy, stay strong and don’t be unsettled and like to drink a little more alcohol than usual. But maybe you don’t have to bend and break to make the best of the crisis – and that’s okay too.

Photo: Wolfgang Tillmans, Like Praying I, 1994