There’s a man in my life who consistently appears; we’ve been acquainted for numerous years now. We possess extensive knowledge about each other, yet there is still much unknown. While he is in a committed relationship, I lead a single life. His desire for me is undeniable, evoking a sensation akin to a powerful surge every time we engage in physical intimacy. It’s reminiscent of Super Mario gaining invincibility upon obtaining a star. This profound connection to both body and mind can endure for weeks or just a few days. In a way, sex acts as a transformative elixir, granting me all the fulfillment I yearn for.
Is this the reason why physical satisfaction, touch, and closeness are essential? Does our psyche depend on sex?
Numerous studies have substantiated the positive impact of sex on our physical and mental well-being. It bolsters our immune system by stimulating the production of pathogen-repelling immunoglobulin, aids in preventing or alleviating depression and anxiety, and uplifts our mood through the release of oxytocin and endorphins. Those who engage in frequent sexual activity supposedly experience better sleep and reduced stress levels. With such evidence, one may question why we engage in anything other than lovemaking in the first place…
But is it solely about sex?
Following a prolonged period of abstinence, when I engage in sexual activity once more, I often experience a sense of heightened vitality, aliveness, and increased desirability in retrospect. I contend that these changes can even be felt after subpar encounters. Sometimes, the mere fact that I have engaged in sex is enough. It is as if my ego had longed for admiration, and my eager body finally savored the long-awaited closeness that my skin, my “armor,” craved. Furthermore, I believe that physical closeness does not exclusively hold value when it is intertwined with love. Love is a complex and often simplistic physical desire. Our desires do not adhere to the rules of rationality; they engulf us.
Engaging in sexual activity with someone propels my body and mind. This drive can last for weeks or just a few days, leaving a lasting impact on my psyche. I can vividly recall the touch, warmth, and intensity long after the act itself. The union of our bodies is so devoid of constraints and structure that it bestows upon me a freedom unattainable through any other behavior or thought. It is as if, at that moment, all my fears and weaknesses coalesce, departing from my body, leaving behind nothing but overwhelming fatigue. During my younger years, I failed to comprehend for quite some time that the person I slept with did not dictate how my body felt or how I perceived it. Many men attempted to convince us that achieving orgasm was merely a matter of “relaxing.” Since I have engaged in sexual activity with him, I have come to realize that it is about something entirely different: the connection between my consciousness and my physical self.
And I need not actively pursue it. The command to “relax” alone is an oxymoron. It is about the ability to be without the necessity of doing. Can I truly unwind?
I yearn for the feeling that arises when the desire for lovemaking takes hold. An unstoppable tingling sensation courses through my entire being. Goosebumps emerge without any physical contact, internal organs contract, and the pelvic region begins to pulsate. It is akin to taking a pill, unsure of what will transpire, but surrendering to the vastness of the falling sensation.
Speaking of falling, I believe delving into Freud’s work will shed light on the intricacies of the psyche and sex. I will keep you informed; Part II of this text will ensue.