Why are men who yearn so hot? More specifically, fictional men, because let’s be real…they’re the only ones still doing it.
Recently, I’ve noticed a trend where women are increasingly turning their romantic attention towards fictional men—TV characters, film stars, and book characters —rather than real ones. And who can blame them? The current dating landscape is notoriously bleak. Ghosting, gaslighting, breadcrumbing, love bombing, the list goes on. Maybe they casually drop that they’re in an open relationship… after the third date. Or worse, six months in, they’re still not ready for any “labels”. It’s like a competition of who can show the least emotion and be the most nonchalant. No wonder 78% of dating app users report feeling burnt out, according to a Forbes Health Study.
The bleak state of dating
Apparently, people born after 1997 are also generally having less sex and fewer close relationships than their parents and grandparents. The University of Chicago’s General Social Survey found that one in four Gen Z women reported having no sex at all in the previous year. Despite endless opportunities for casual hookups through dating apps, many women are opting out altogether. This confirms a more profound desire for genuine connection. They don’t want mediocre (let’s be honest, bad) casual sex. There is the whole term of “heteropessimism” describing the hopelessness and disappointment in heterosexual relationships and the general trend of young men becoming increasingly conservative and young women more liberal and progressive, creating a general political divide (but I won’t even get into that). So instead, women are swooning over fictional men. Because fictional men don’t ghost and suddenly re-appear when you’ve started seeing someone new, they don’t make you feel like you’re asking for “too much”, and they certainly don’t send unsolicited dick pics. Fictional men yearn. They pine. They remember the little things. And they show you that they actually give a shit—ohmygod, how radical.
And that’s exactly why Conrad Fisher has taken over the internet.
Conrad Fisher is obviously written by a woman
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ll know he’s the brooding star of the TV show The Summer I Turned Pretty, based on Jenny Han’s novels. He’s been compared to young Leonardo DiCaprio. Millennial women on TikTok are posting themselves giggling, “feet kicking in the air”-type of excitement level every time Conrad enters the screen. There are countless threads and TikToks about how “Conrad Fisher is so obviously written by a woman.” Jenny Han knows about the power of yearning.
In the last season of The Summer I turned Pretty, Conrad spends the entire time quietly (and later not so quietly) suffering as the love of his life, Belly, is about to marry his younger brother. He helps with wedding errands, fixes the house, and always leaves food for her in the fridge. He listens to her dreams and supports her mostly bad decision-making. Even when she decides to reinvent herself in Paris and get a bob, he writes her letters and sends care packages. And then finally, shows up in Paris to confess his unwavering feelings. The slow burn, the waiting, the showing vulnerability and taking the risk—that’s yearning.
And people are parched for it. For patience, presence, and effort. It’s the opposite of hookup culture and those tragic Instagram “wyd tonight” DMs.
When did caring become “too much”?
What’s wrong with being a “simp”? When did showing emotion and effort suddenly become uncool?
According to Urban Dictionary, the definition of a simp is “someone who does way too much for a person they like.” Okay, but maybe that’s also just… showing that you care? When did that suddenly become “too much”? Obviously, by yearning, I do NOT mean ignoring boundaries or pursuing someone who’s clearly not interested. It’s about expressing emotion. Maybe being moved to write a letter, or a poem, or send a creative text. It’s about affection, which includes vulnerability, intimacy, tenderness, and patience. And it’s hot.
Conrad waits 5 years to be with Belly. The audience waits for 11 episodes. The slow anticipation of that moment is what makes sparks fly. That scene in the bar in Paris where they just make eye contact, glance away, or can’t hide a smile. Conrad lets Belly know he’s been listening, he’s been paying attention. And when they finally kiss, they take their time. Conrad is definitely savoring the moment.
And Belly reciprocates (somewhat delayed, but she does, by running after Conrad at 5 am and getting on a train to another country without bringing any belongings or a passport- sorry, spoiler alert)! I also do not mean that only hetero men should yearn, but I think they’ve been slacking in that department and can definitely take some notes from the 5 additional examples of the yearning men listed below.
Some of the Blueprint Yearners
1. Mr. Darcy – Pride & Prejudice (Matthew Macfadyen, 2005) – The original yearner brought to life by Jane Austen; “ You have bewitched me, body and soul.”
2. Anakin Skywalker – Star Wars: Episode II–III (Hayden Christensen, 2002–2005) – A galaxy of yearning.
3. Noah Calhoun – The Notebook (Ryan Gosling, 2004) – Builds her dream house, writes her letters for decades. When Ryan Gosling said, “It wasn’t over; it still isn’t over.”
4. Robbie Turner – Atonement (James McAvoy, 2007) – Unforgettable one-time yearning. Heartbreaking.
5. Anthony Bridgerton (Jonathan Bailey, 2020) – “I’ve loved you from the moment we raced each other in that park. I’ve loved you at every dance, on every walk, every time we’ve been together, and every time we’ve been apart. You do not have to accept it or embrace it or even allow it.” They really nailed the yearning (and costumes) in Bridgerton.
6. Hot Priest – Fleabag (Andrew Scott, 2016–2019) – “When you find somebody that you love, it feels like hope.”
Of course, most of these characters were written by women, surprise, surprise; Audio Erotica & the Female Gaze.
And audio-erotica apps geared towards female pleasure have been listening. Instead of recycling the same archaic and misogynist porn scripts, they’re actually tuning into what women have been missing: slow build, attentive, and focused on their pleasure. And guess what—none other than Chris Briney, the actor playing Conrad Fisher, has partnered with audio-erotica app Quinn to bring that fantasy to life. In “Hidden Harbor”, the story he narrates, it’s not about degrading dirty talk or meaningless hook-ups, but about making the (female) audience feel seen and adored. It’s yearning. And unsurprisingly, it went viral.
In it, he whispers lines like:
“It’s criminal, really. That a woman as beautiful as you isn’t kissed constantly.”
“Trust me, I want you so so much. But you deserve more than a quickie in a glorified shed”.
This just goes to show we need to bring back yearning in real life. Because it’s fun. Because it’s hot. Because showing you care is literally the bare minimum. Please, yearn. For god’s sake. And good news – there will be more of Conrad Fisher yearning on screen in the future because there is a The Summer I Turned Pretty Film coming soon!
